Nonstriving and The Heart of Being

“Nonstriving is one of the core principles of mindfulness. It means being fully present in the moment without the need to change it --- actually being present without any agenda. Even without the agenda to relax or feel better. And surely not with the agenda to reach a special meditative state. Nonstriving is moving from our constant, habitual doing mode into the more open, receptive being mode. Being mode allows this moment to be “good enough” --- again, not perfect, and sometimes even stressful or painful. But we learn that letting go of striving will often open a sense of ease. As we practice nonstriving, over time we learn that the being mode is deeply healing and restorative.” Christiane Wolf, MD, PH D and J. Greg Serpa, PHD

In meditation we are always looking at the relationship, how we are relating to the moment to moment experience. Let us also remember the two wings of mindfulness: nonjudgmental awareness and compassion. The heart qualities. The practice of letting these two wings of mindfulness meditation embrace the moment and our lightly. 

And, now imagine the foundational attitudes that support and strengthen mindfulness like seasonings. We can add them to any experience and enhance or even change the flavor of our experience. Infinitely.

While, we can include the attitude of nonstriving in a variety of scenarios, for this piece, I’m offering three different ways to include the attitude of nonstriving into our experience:

Nonstriving as a way of simplifying the moment and cultivating the art of being. Dropping into the heart of the moment and letting it be just as it is. Anytime. Anywhere. If you have any questions about what this might look like and you have pets, observe them. Cats and dogs are masters at being and letting the moment be enough just as it is. Have you ever seen a pet fight their tiredness? Or happiness? Love? Excitement? Sadness? Anxiousness? Animals let themselves feel and be. Just as they are. Whole, complete and divinely beautiful in their animal being. 

 

Nonstriving as a way of letting go of trying to control the outcome of a situation. In my previous profession, designing and building custom homes and spaces was intense. Constantly striving to stay on top of things, ahead of the questions, always working towards the finish line and completion of a project. Striving has its place. Consciously engaging with an ongoing project with attachment to completion is not a bad thing. It was necessary in that case. And to balance all that “doing” the heart of my practice for years was Restorative Yoga, The Art of Being. A deeply relaxing and healing practice where I could let my body be still and breathe fully supported by props and allow my heart, mind and body to heal from the stress of an equally rewarding and creative field I was blessed to be part of and move on from. Inviting the attitude of nonstriving into our lives does not mean we let go of all effort. Nonstriving is the heart of being and brings balance to all the doing. Now, apply that intensity to the business aspect of  Yoga, Meditation and Wellness and it is overkill. My current profession is spacious and requires trust in creating an experience -- a class or treatment or even this writing -- without attachment to the outcome. An act of trust in the teachings, therapeutic offerings, deep trust in my own skills as a practitioner and infinite trust in my students, clients and readers to experience the offerings in their own ways for their own wellbeing. A beautiful reminder is: everything I offer here, in my classes and treatment room are offered in the spirit of invitation. Take with you the parts that resonate with you and gently leave behind the parts that don't.

 

“Fill your bowl to the brim

and it will spill.

Keep sharpening your knife

and it will blunt.

Chase after money and security

and your heart will never unclench.

Care about people’s approval

and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity.”

Tao Te Ching, Stephen Michael Translation

 

Nonstriving and letting go of looking outside of ourselves for what can be found within. In this day and age, if social media is part of your life, this might mean letting go of following a post with checking in to see how many thumbs up or hearts have been pressed in response to the share. Or letting go of looking for more answers in the scriptures or teachings. Letting go of looking for approval in others. This isn’t to discount any of the latter. Nonstriving as letting go of looking outside of ourselves for what can be found within can be a deeply nourishing act of trust in our inner wisdom and intuition to hold the moment with wholeness and completeness as we are. Nonstriving as a practice of resting, relaxing and taking a breather.

As we moves towards closing this piece, a few reflections: Where does nonstriving come naturally for you, now or in the past? Imagine nonstriving as a natural state, the heart of being. And, where is nonstriving challenging ---where might there be a struggle, a fight with how things are --- and where could the attitude of nonstriving provide a little less suffering and more ease?

 

In any moment, we can invite the attitude of nonstriving and rest in the heart of being. In our ever busy world and as we become aware of where striving is causing suffering -- wanting the moment to be something it isn't -- we can remember and let ourselves be. Be what? Fully human and remember that we are not alone in this being.

May your being be light and your heart full.

Humbly yours,

Tehroma

To Learn From Animal Being

by John O'Donohue

"Nearer to the earth's heart, 

Deeper within its silence: 

Animals know this world In a way we never will.

We who are ever 

Distanced and distracted 

By the parade of bright 

Windows thought opens: 

Their seamless presence Is not fractured thus.

Stranded between time 

Gone and time emerging, 

We manage seldom 

To be where we are: 

Whereas they are always Looking out from The here and now.

May we learn to return 

And rest in the beauty 

Of animal being, 

Learn to lean low, 

Leave our locked minds, 

And with freed senses 

Feel the earth 

Breathing with us.

May we enter 

Into lightness of spirit, 

And slip frequently into 

The feel of the wild.

Let the clear silence 

Of our animal being 

Cleanse our hearts 

Of corrosive words.

May we learn to walk 

Upon the earth 

With all their confidence 

And clear-eyed stillness 

So that our minds

Might be baptized 

In the name of the wind 

And the light and the rain."

~ John O'Donohue From: To Bless the Space Between Us

Curiosity and The Desire to Learn

“Mindfulness without curiosity is impossible. When we turn toward our present-moment experience we do that in order to learn about it, to perceive it fully. When we are on autopilot there is no space for curiosity. We can explore how being curious changes our perception of the moment. It’s the antidote for autopilot and boredom. We can become curious about anything if we choose to, asking questions like: “What is here that I’m not yet aware of?” or “What is this?” ~ Christiane Wolf, MD, PH D and J. Greg Serpa, PHD

 

Curiosity is an attitude that shines naturally and brightly in our pets and small children. When my youngest was very little, the question I heard often was: What’s next? Getting in the car after school: Mom, what’s next? We’re driving home. When we got home before getting out of the car: Mom, what’s next?  We’re going to open the door, get out of the car, open the gate, walk into our yard and…you see where I’m going with this? It’s no wonder I was on bedrest for the last two months of that pregnancy. I was carrying a tiny human who to this day, at age 17, is looking at the horizon and planning what’s next. 

There is nothing wrong with “What’s next?” We can invite the attitude of curiosity into our questions, wondering, planning, dreaming, imagining with the desire to learn and cultivate understanding about what it is we are creating. Curiosity into fielding the question of, What's next? A question that is naturally full of curiosity and wonder!

Curiosity as antidote for autopilot. When we find ourselves on autopilot, in this day and age, that might be the automatic pick up of the phone to check and see what notifications are on the screen and click, click, click. When this happens, we can pause. Take three slow breaths. Feel our feet touching the ground, breathe into the heart and inquire, is this really necessary or can this wait? Is there anything urgent that really needs tending to or can I put the phone down (or not pick it up for the moment) and be. Be what? Present. Maybe something else is more important. Like picking up Ollie and continuing to trim her hair while I await response from the vet about her next hair cut. Which will be done by the time he replies by the looks of it. Curiosity to notice what else is here. In this case, something -- someone -- else needs my attention more than my phone.

Curiosity as antidote for boredom. Interestingly, boredom is also known as a portal to creativity. When my kids were younger and our goddaughter lived with us, I left them all a note one day: “No screen time. Let yourselves get bored. It’s the portal to creativity.” No one burnt down the house or died of boredom that day. When I was growing up, there was almost a fear of boredom, an instilled belief that boredom was bad or dangerous, a time when kids got into trouble. I’m sure the message I received growing up came from somewhere and I value that for what it was. And, in meditation, we are always looking at the relationship. How we are relating to our experience, moment to moment. Relationships change. When boredom is present, we can pause and notice what it feels like and be. Be what? Aware. Aware that boredom is present and how we are relating to boredom. What do you do when you feel bored?

 

As a friend recently wrote to me about curiosity, "It keeps us awake and engaged. Looking for answers. And finding questions we have in the back of our minds, but never had a form until we see something that reminds us it was always there." The question, 'What’s next?' just might be another way of saying, 'What is here right now?' Because no matter how much we may wish to slow down time as our lives speed by, there is no going back. Years go by, hair turns gray, kids grow up and the next breath – as long as we are alive – is going to happen and then the one after that and so on. We only get so many breaths each time around.

Curiosity as gateway to presence. A desire to learn offers an opportunity to experience the moment with a little less forward motion and a little more width and depth to notice what else is here that we may not have noticed before. This moment is brand new. The next breath has never happened before. No matter how many times I’ve sat in this window seat, written on this computer, sipped coffee from this mug, felt the south sun warming my back, this is the first time today. That makes the experience brand new. Ignites a curiosity to open to what else is here. Within and around me. 

We can invite curiosity to the familiar and unfamiliar and tap into the magic as well as the mundane. There is no separation between the practical and the mystical. To be deeply aware and fully present connects us to all that is here. Curiosity is infinite in its ability to teach us even when it feels unavailable or like curiosity has taken a nap. As a student shared in class yesterday, we can be curious about not feeling curious. And we can do this while remembering the two wings of mindfulness: non-judgmental awareness and compassion. Heart qualities soften our experience and remind us whenever possible, to hold our experience lightly. Let it be what it is and remember, this too will change.

Curiosity as pathway to rejuvenation. Openness with fresh perspective can rejuvenate and revitalize our relationships with ourselves --- bodies, breaths, minds, hearts --- our loved ones, the less than favorite ones, art projects and the laundry, gray rainy weather to hair blown windy days and the sunny still days in between. This moment is vast and every moment is brand new. As curiosity grows within the relationship with ourselves, we can expand curiosity into our relationship with others.

 

As we moves towards closing this piece, a reflection: Is there any place in your life right now that could feel enlivened, rejuvenated, revitalized by inviting the attitude of curiosity and desire to learn into this relationship? A place, a creative endeavor, the relationship with yourself, another person, group, the earth?

In any moment, we can invite the attitude of curiosity and the desire to learn. In our ever changing world and as we become aware of our differences, we can desire to learn about each other with the intention of understanding one another better. We can celebrate our different backgrounds, cultures, geographical locations, socioeconomic status, orientation, identities, dreams, aspirations, likes and dislikes by slowing down, stepping back and perceiving what is in front of us with fresh new eyes and the desire to learn. We only know what we know and there is so much more to learn and ways to grow.

May your curiosity be bright and desire to learn remain awake.

Humbly yours,

Tehroma

 

Hokusai Says by Roger S. Keyes

"Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.

He says look forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat
yourself as long as it is interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.

He says keep praying.

He says everyone of us is a child,
everyone of us is ancient,
everyone of us has a body.
He says everyone of us is frightened.
He says everyone of us has to find
a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive–
shells, buildings, people, fish,
mountains, trees, wood is alive.
Water is alive.

Everything has its own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn’t matter if you draw,
or write books. It doesn’t matter
if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesn’t matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your veranda
or the shadows of the trees
and grasses in your garden.
It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
is life living through you.

Peace is life living through you.

He says don’t be afraid.
Don’t be afraid.

Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you."

Roger S. Keyes

 

Humor and The Party in My Heart

  “Life is way too serious to be taken too seriously.” Jon Kabat-Zinn 

If you are new to my writing and life, a little about me so we can get to know each other. Originally from Oregon, I've lived in Baja California Sur, Mexico in the small beach town of Los Barriles for thirty years. I am beginning to transition from living full time in LB to little bits of time on our Rancho el Aventadero. I recently retired from the high pressured and deeply rewarding livelihood of architecture and business shared with my engineer husband for twenty five years. 

This year, our youngest will graduate from high school. An empty nest on a knoll awaits us part or full time.

I teach yoga and meditation full time now in my Sukhasana Studio in Los Barriles. Thai Massage & Reiki Healing, compliment the group classes and private sessions I offer. And, this month, I will graduate from the two year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program. 

Every week, I choose a theme, an attitude, a word. Something I can delve into, develop and share in my classes.

This year is full of big transitions in our life. 

Inspiration to start the year with Humor and a light heart. 

New Years Day, for the first time in a long while, I wrote a poem titled, 

The Party in My Heart

Leaps of joy,

tiny bursts of happiness.

That is the up,

uplifting of my soul.

Balanced by

the drops

of sadness,

inner decent

into the knowing

of letting go.

Trusting this inner

dance, the music

within this container,

this body

my feet to carry me,

this face to face

the world.

The courage to

all the while

feel the party

inside my heart.

 

My relationship with humor and comedy goes back to remembering laughter with my parents as a child. Spans to laughing with my family. With two children – now ages 25 and 17 – living on one piece of property, a husband and our circus of pets, the quirks of each individual family member, the aging dog who runs into our legs and so we move with care, the younger energetic Ollie and three cats, I find humor to be a lifeline in the crazy wonders of sharing the daily existence with so many as we dance around each other, hang together and give each other loads of space. 

When I was eleven, my parents separated and during that summer, I spent a lot of time at a friend’s house down the road where we lived in Crescent City, California. My friend’s parents would let me stay up late while everyone slept and I would watch stand up comedy on the tv in the living room. The healing power of laughter during a time of sadness and confusion when the world I knew had ended became a lifeline. A way of coping. Remembering then and onward into my life that when all falls apart or changes and uncertainty settles in, finding humor in the little things helps bring light to the dark corners of the heart. Humor as a lifeline and reminder that, as Jon Kabat-Zinn’s quote reminds us above, “Life is way too serious to take too seriously.”   

Humor is one of the foundational attitudes of Mindfulness. And the more we practice Mindfulness Meditation, the more we can notice the interplay of all the attitudes and how they support one another.

When I worked long days at a desk and from deep inside my imagination, drawing and designing custom homes or special spaces for our clients, sometimes, I would get stuck. Frustrated. To clear my mind, sometimes I would leaf through design books, or stand up, take a breath or break and one of my go-tos was again, comedy. Laughter reminded me to loosen my grip and let go a bit so I could dive in and continue on.

My favorite comedians share the same characteristics as my favorite meditation teachers: they are wise and insightful, down to earth, kind and compassionate, truthful and share how they don’t take themselves too seriously. They share depth, as well as, a light hearted sense of humor which comes from experience and humility.

Through mindfulness, we can become aware of when and where there is a struggle or suffering and when possible --- and appropriate --- remember the possibility, the invitation to recognize our humanity with humility and humor for this human predicament.

 Reflections from class this week:

• Where is humor inspired in your own life?
• Where does humor naturally arise for you?
• Where might a little more humor – when and where it is appropriate – fit into your daily life?

The healing power of laughter is at the heart of my home and family. Humor arises when I share with one of my kids, “I had a terrible dream last night.” And the response with a smile is, “Did you have another dream about teaching, Mom?” And the reminder that in all my years of high stress design-build work, I never had so many nightmares. The humor of a terrible dream being, I fell asleep while I was teaching and all my students left the room. The humor in remembering the years ago when I regularly attended a weekly yoga class and see my reflection in the mirror, a red faced strained warrior II pose and then remember to lighten the grip and relax a bit. How serious does a warrior pose really need to be? The humor and tenderness in moments walking on the beach before dawn with my husband during a particularly challenging period of raising a teenager and through the tears, saying, I know, the primary message I’ve given my kids is: ‘Be who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. Discover for yourself.’ And the humor when I realized that meant I had to change to adapt when I thought I had thought of every possible scenario and my imagination ran short. And through the tears, I let go and laughed. The compassion and kindness of my husband holding space for my tears and my laughter and letting me have my experience without trying to change what I was feeling, how I was relating to the changes in our lives or even the shift from tears to laughter and then tears again.

Life will fill space with unimagined wonder. Curve balls will fly. People will die. And life will go on. We cannot wait for better times when the clouds are overhead or darkening our heart. There are times when laughter is easier to access than others.

Humor doesn’t have to result in laughter. Humor isn’t always the answer. Or even appropriate. When I was preparing classes for last week with developing the theme of humor, I realized I wasn’t feeling very funny. I found humor in that. And the reminder that taking life a little less seriously doesn’t mean we have to laugh about it. Or even smile. Or find anything funny. Letting our experience be what it is and our feeling states to be as they are – irritation, anger, sadness, whatever is there – and holding it lightly is a way of taking life a little less seriously, struggling and suffering a little less. And every bit of letting go and letting be can lead us to more ease and increased capacity to be with this moment-to-moment experience of being fully human.

Humor arises from humility and connects us, reminds us of our shared humanity. Wherever we are, however we are, we are not alone.

When humor arises and laughter bubbles up and I feel happiness, I give gratitude for the gift of remembering and knowing, this too will change.

May your heart be light and your humor kind.

Humbly yours,

Tehroma

 

 

So Much Happiness

By Naomi Shihab Nye

“It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn’t need you to hold it down.
It doesn’t need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records . . .

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.”