Perpetual Creative Fire

Fire is always moving and changing. Fire is a threshold element offering heat to burn off old patterns that hold us back creating space for new beginnings, ways of thinking, wording, actions, habits and values  to serve and support our daily unfolding and interconnected lives. We move through thresholds every day, in between and into the darkness of every night. Sunrise is a reminder of movement, thresholds, opportunities. We can always begin again. 

Some thresholds are thicker than others. The threshold in my work life, a transition from architecture to wellness was built within eight intensely walked years, one foot as I designed and built spaces and the other foot in wellness. Along this path, I learned new ways of creating space. In the words of Frank Lloyd Wright, "Space is the breath of art." Daily living included moving between the poles and integrating their sameness within and without. Mentally and emotionally, recognizing the similarities  of creating space to live our lives, whether within a dwelling - indoor or out of doors - or this physical container that has faithfully moved with me around the world and provided a home for my beating heart and eyes to take it all in.

As our community continues to grow, I find it imperative to remember that we live in a developing country and growing community. While I cannot control what is happening around me, I can notice how those changes affect me and inquire within. I can change my own thinking, wording, habits. When I was pregnant with Paloma and on bed rest for the final two months of her gestation - and she was still a month premature! - several homes were being built in our neighborhood. The beeping of unloading dumptrucks and sound of vehicles driving by our corner lot started in the morning and continued through the day. Add medication causing tachycardia and my heartbeating like a hummingbird flapping its tiny wings. Learning to remain calm in the middle of all I could not control, a restless baby ready to move into the world too soon for her own wellbeing, plus the construction around me. I realized I had a choice, let the stress of it all possibly cause premature birth or learn to breathe and accept all that was, knowing it would pass, as all things do. That time also was a balance of precious calm looking out my window, admiring flowers, rain falling from the sky, the comings and goings of Dylan and Javier. That experience was my introduction to being still and letting go. A crash course in the art of being, meditating, all several years before I stepped foot in a yoga class or listened to a Dharma talk. Life is the greatest teacher.

I believe each one of us is an artist of our days. Creators in our own ways. I believe that the continuation of learning equals improved health of mind, body and spirit and everything learned informs another realm within the individual heart, body, mind and soul. Integration is a path to wholeness, sending our attention and love into every knook and cranny of our own being.

Like others, I mastered the art of burning the candle at both ends. An intense longing to create, maintain employment for myself and team, earn, learn and grow have often driven me over the edge,  resulting in adrenal fatigue, frustration and extreme exhaustion. I learned that patience, deep rest, healing arts and familial support were imperative to recovering my health and restoring my energy. In repeatedly overcommitting and recovering, I realized this way of being wasn't sustainable. I was burning the candle at both ends, which ultimately results in the fire burning out.

A few years after that bed rest time with Paloma growing in my belly, I found a practice that slowly offered me an opportunity to focus within. Tools to slow down my breathing. Calm my mind and listen to my hearth. Strengthen my body. Create space for health and sustainable wellbeing. Before my thirty seventh birthday, Javier asked me what I wanted as a gift. I replied: I want the time and space to care for own health and wellbeing. I was always last on my own list. Constantly recovering from exhaustion in the midst of gratitude and amazment that I could experience a beautiful family, home, creative work and see these buildings manifested side by side, not only an amazing team, but wonderful clients who over the years, became our friends.

On April 14th of 2012, I made a promise, one that transformed a way of experiencing life on every level. In the beginning, those changes where internal. Over time, that promise manifested externally, part of a driving force, changing careers in the middle of my life. In the words of Paolo Coelho, "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." My greatest longings in this world, whether it has been to create a home and family, a career, or other, I feel the universe has conspired. Part of that conspiring has been a series of obstacles - occurances unimagined - obstacles that ranged from unconfortable, humbling to deeply painful or costly. An openness to experience, feel and focus within has led to the strength within my own being to transmute discomfort or pain into learning, understanding, empathy, compassion and wisdom that offers connection with self and others. Deep healing. That universal conspiring has also brought rewards, gifts and divine blessings, also unimagined. For all of them, I am grateful because I am here and who I am because of everywhere I have been, within and without.

Coffee with a before dawn fire. In all my years living here, this is a first. Grateful for the warmth of hearth. This home, family, to live in this special place on earth. To do the work I get to. Enjoy the friendships with kindred souls. My husband. To remember the temporary nature of life that is. We are all just passing through. Sometimes I wonder if there is a part of me that would stop time if I could. The growing teenager and grown young man in this dwelling remind me daily with their presence: time does not stand still. Enjoy and appreciate every moment. Because this precious moment is exactly what we have.

Pause, be still

focus within

and listen.

An impulse

a quickening

your hearts desire

a need to

see an imagining

a longing 

to experience

your creative fire.

Revolved Half Moon Pose Parivrtta Ardha Chandrasana. 

Rotations of the spine, pausing and stillness offer time for digestion of food, thoughts, emotions, experience and creative ideas. Moving in, the belly is compressed, breathing is available expanding the ribcage. Moving out, the abdominal organs are bathed with fresh nutrient and oxygen carrying blood to all the lifelong companions that are the digestive organs. Revolved half moon pose shown here also improves balance and focus, strengthens and lengthens the muscles, opens the chest creating space for heart and lungs, can help alignment of the spine, result in calming the nervous system and mind.

Within the human body and in the practice of yoga, the inner fire is located above the navel and below the sternum: the solar plexus. Just above the center of creativity and fluidity and below infinite qualities of the heart. Imaginings of the mind, cultivated thoughts and feelings that have time to clarify and focus by drawing the attention inward require will, confidence, discipline, self esteem and creative fire to carry through to fruition. In the words of John O'Donohue, "All human creativity issues from the urgency of longing." 

What do you long to create in your life at this time? This question is a lifelong companion just as creativity is a lifelong expression in a multitude of manifestations. One creative experience and endevour informs another, no experience or expression stands alone. What will I you next? Keep putting the pieces together and continually step back to see the whole and evolving picture, this in itself is an exciting and insightful creative project. 

"Love is the creative fire, the inspiration that keeps the torch of progress aflame." Wilferd Peterson

Water, Fluidity, Calling, Currents and Creativity

Watercolor by Tehroma Lask: Indigo

What currents remind you of the dynamic vital life force that flows within you and makes you every cell of your being feel alive?

How creative is your relationship with movement and stillness, silence and sound, the inhale and exhale, visitation and absence, appearance and disappearance, your relationship with work and rest, friendship and family, day and night, time and the changing seasons?

What calls you to create and connect?

Are you a spectator watching the flow of life go by? Or, are you immersed in the everchanging current of life? Somewhere in between? One foot in, one foot out? Both feet in, whole heart immersed?

In my own life, I find this relationship to be a fluid dance --- at times more and less graceful than others ---  dynamic and anything but static. Moving in and out. Spaces in between. Observing, imagining, jumping in, creating, stepping out and drying off. Reflecting. Assimilating. Integrating. Sometimes ruminating. Overanylizing. Hesitancy. At time, fear moves in. Grateful when I remember: Where there is fear, may there be awareness, and faith. Where there is faith, there is love and where there is love, faith and courage: Wholeheartedness.

When I hold back, creativity is stalled. When I step in with both feet, my imaginings have a chance to come to life. I have an opportunity to see, feel, learn, connect and grow. Sometimes thrive. Other times, fall on my face. I have a scar on my upper lip from falling face first on a jagged bolder during an afternoon hike. I fell down, felt the light knocked out of me, the earth beneath my body, saw the bright blue sky, clouds moving by, found my way to standing and kept walking.  The scar is a reminder of resiliency and humanity. On an inner level, wisdom earned from many different ways of falling.

We live in a destination location, one often referred to seasonally as: High and low season. Several years ago, I began taking notice to this reference. Our winter is known as "high season". Making summer "slow season". Energetically and in cooler climates, winter is a slow season. A time for introspection. Reflection. Quiet. It became and is important to my life, living in a location year round, to create space to experience the four seasons and feelings of the year: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.

Throughout the seasons, I feel: Life is experienced sometimes as an observer, others as a participator and often a fluid dance between the two. There is value is moving into the water then back to shore. Move with and observe the natural ebb and flow of the tides. What if remembering: The fluid breath that carries vital life force into your body is also the vital life force that flows into this heart, body, mind and soul, the ocean, plants in your yard, my yard, our mutual barking dogs, stove that sizzles, boils and simmers in each of our kitchens, and water that flows from faucets and hoses everywhere --- on water days, of course ---  then, I recognize: I am always two feet immersed in the current that flows within us all. There is no separation between spectator and participator. 

Whatever we call the seasons, in recognizing transitions and the constant flow of changes, we are noticing the same thing: We all come and go, ebb and flow in some way. All ways of viewing, moving and being are equally valuable, when seen with the heart just as all ways of breathing are equally valuable around the globe. There may be many that are difficult to comprehend and I believe all are capable of change. Peace begets peace. 

The kidneys move water. Hip opening poses in Yin yoga stimulate the kidney meridian. Jing is stored in the kidneys. Jing is also known as "essence", soul on the ineffable level and body on the tangible level.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The Sea of Cortez, living by the water called me here like it called many to appreciate and step into it's serene beauty. Wind and waves of winter and summer further south offered me connection and reminder of oneness, a feeling I embody, a spark I feel when I see kites in the air above the deep blue and white capped rolling swells. Lines in my mind of design have called me to move them on paper and screen to develop a dwelling, a space, inside or out. Words that string themselves together, ocurrences of the mind, create a communication within that calls to be shared without. Desert trails, trees that sprout leaves after rain, bolders, moutains and the vast blue sky call me to walk amongst them with gratitude for their existence. Kindred souls met along the way, a spark to meet up and share conversation, a meal, walk, time and space. Nature, creativity, art, work, recreation, friendship, my dear family and honoring these callings, the time to appear and disappear with reverence for a deep connection I feel with the ever changing current of life that flows within me and the life force that flows within you. However that fluidity, calling, current and creativity manifests in each one of us is unique, beautiful and life expressed in a its own equally valuable way. 

Water is a wonderful reminder of fluidity, callings, currents, creativity and change, as well as, a relationship with these occurences of the mind. 

In the words of Deng Ming-Dao: 
"The essence of life shall never be known by a human being as long as that person seeks to observe life like a viewer and subject. The absolutely essential nature of life can only be comprehended by merging fully with the flow of life, so that one is utterly a part of it. "

Homecoming

Landing. Rooting. Grounding. Belonging...

Traveling away from home between Christmas and New Year's Eve was a treat, a chance to touch base with my Oregon roots, walk amongst the trees, reconnect with an old friend, bring people together, share meals, time and space. A time for Javier and I to walk and talk about our past, present and our future. Current landings in our lives, personal and work, our son graduated from college and generating income, Javier's grown son in his early thirties, a grown daughter a few years younger with her hardworking husband and their three beautiful kiddos, our daughter dreaming daily and lighting up our lives with her spark and creative energy. Mothers and mothers in law, his sisters and brother, nieces, nephews, cousins galore. My lifelong friend and family, an extension of my own. Family in Eastern, Oregon. Ancestors who traveled from Russia to Lithuania, Poland, Germany and the US. From Ireland and Scotland. Spain and France. Our current family, tribe, our sense of belonging. Time away from home to see our homelife with a fresh perspective. Remembering a conversation ten years earlier while in Oaxaca and the goal to simplify our lives. The decade it took to root those steps, to ground together and walk into the threshold of this chapter in our lives together.

In spite of our traquil intentions, twenty twenty got off to a bumpy start. Challenges in homecoming. "Stranded" in the middle, between Portland, Oregon and Los Barriles, Baja California Sur. Javier and I landed in Los Angeles, moved as quickly as we could to find a monitor, our connecting flight and saw the word canceled. Like any homeward bound and hopeful travelers, we did the next natural thing. Run to another monitor in the hopeless endevour of finding our flight anything but canceled.  New Year's Eve away from our kids for the first time ever. So close to home yet so far away. We got our vouchers for hotel and food and gloomily walked towards the exit to find a shuttle after messaging home: We'll be home tomorrow, as maturely as possible. Javier's message was the most emoji full and emotional I've ever seen: sad faces, tear faces, mad faces. Paloma wrote back: Go have a nice dinner! So, we did. When you are "stuck" at a nice hotel with delicious food and a warm bed, it is wise to remember as quickly as possible: This is a first world problem. We are safe, our kids are safe. Stay put, breathe and be where you are.

Landing in Baja the after with more delayed flights, our ride home asking us to wait one more hour while he waited for another couple to land. Our flight was late, the next one was early. Again, here we are in the middle - so close to home yet so far away - with the back of a van popped open, lemonade, chips and guacamole. I sent a picture home to the kids with the caption: Airport Beach!

Riding along the unusually green lined highway, we heard a loud noise, looked to left and watched in horror as a white truck veered off the road, into the desert and kept on going. Going and going and I prayed it would stop before tragedy when I watched it lift off and flip. Healing energy, more prayers and ambulance sirens and police trucks coming towards the accident. Please let the driver be safe, let his or her body be whole and healthy and let us land at home, safe and sound. 

"The body is a sacrament. The old, traditional definition of sacrament captures this beautifully. A sacrament is a visible sign of invisible grace. In that definition there is a fine acknowledgement of how the unseen world comes to expression in the visible world. This desire for expression lies deep at the heart of the invisible world. All our inner life and intimacy of soul longs to find an outer mirror. It longs for a form in which it can be seen, felt, and touched. The body is the mirror where the secret world of soul comes to expression. The body is a sacred threshold; and it deserves to be respected, minded, and understood in its spiritual nature."

John O'Donohue

Arriving at our gate with our bodies in tact, our minds frazzled and tired, our hearts and souls grateful to hear the sound of our dogs annouce our arrival, Dylan and Paloma come out to greet us, happy together, in one piece and not a day later. Rain fell on New Year's Day, Javier made a fire, we got pizza and opened a bottle of red wine.  

Landing. Rooting. Grounding. Belonging. The call to come home being an elemental piece of this daily adventure called life. Coming home to my own body, heart, mind and soul. Feeling my feet connect with the ground. Putting one foot in front of the other. Practicing the art of accepting myself and others, as we are; the art of simplicity, patience and compassion; the art of being and living fully. All to the best of my imperfect abilities. One breath at a time, minute to minute, day by day.

No matter where I am, whether it is in our family home, or far away from this dwelling, the call to come home to myself, to land, root, ground and belong, remember my ancestors and husband's ancestors, those came who came before and will come after, to stay put, breathe and be  where I am with gratitude for all the beauty and abundance are at the core and heart of this existence. 

“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”

Ram Dass

Fearless Heart

Courage. From the heart. Sky above. For the heart. Earth below. 

Through the heart. Water beyond. Always. In the heart. 

Watercolor by Tehroma, Title: Courage 2015

What does it mean to follow the heart? 

How do you hone your ability to listen to the heart?

Where does the courage come from to heed its call? 

"We say to ourselves that we need more than ordinary courage, but really there is no ordinary courage. Either we are courageous or we are not. But the key is in the word courage itself. The word courage arises from the old French cuer, meaning heart. To be courageous means at bottom to be heartfelt. To begin with we take only those steps which we can do in a heartfelt fashion and then slowly increase our stride as we become familiar with the direct connection between our passion and our courage. Without some kind of fire at the center of the conversation, a sense of journey through work, life becomes just another strategic game plan, a way of pulling wool over the eyes of reality while we get our own way." David Whyte, Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgramage of Identity

At a recent gathering, a friend of mine - more than once a client over the course of eighteen years - asked, how does it feel? After twenty five years, the entirety of my adult life dedicated to wearing many hats in building, I openly shared the clear change in direction my life is taking: Yoga and Well-being full time. Building is a skill. Designing requires imagination. The ability to see with the minds eye what is imagined to someday live and breathe in front of and outside of the personal and professional mind's space. 

How does it feel to move away from designing and building homes after fifteen years invested in wearing the hat of architect and designer? How does it feel to let go of an identity that thrived, was recognized and invest my life in a more recent unfolding vision? How do I see outside of myself the imaginings that live within this mind? 

Architecture is big. Literally. Buildings take up space. Before they are built, they are virtually lived in by the architect. These imaginings take up mind space. As their design develops and changes, there are many conversations, external and internal. The person who listens to those who wish to live their dreams and evey days within a shelter they will call home, listens. Listening to a feeling wished to be created. Practicalities. Where will the coffee maker go? Where will I start my day, sleep after dark, enjoy a cup of tea, share time with loved ones, put my feet up after a long day, sit in front of a computer, do my laundry, cook meals, blend smoothies, look out windows and what will I see in front of me? 

To imagine buildings that take up space felt big inside of me. After the imaginings, I saw the happenings. I could walk through and feel these spaces. Something big inside was now outside. There was a sense of release and relief moving from virtual to reality. Creating more mind space.  Now, I am not imagining these buildings. Architecture made me feel extraordinary. Working with clients and engineers, masons and subs. Orchestrating came from the core. A strong will. Leading came from the heart. I felt empowered. And powerful. 

Image, courtesy of the internet and an artist I would love to recognize.

All the reasons to let go and move on were heartfelt. Logic would have entailed staying with a solid carreer. The first reason, a call to create a holistic center and work within its spaces. Secondly, a wish to experience a new relationship with my husband. We met while working together over twenty two years ago. Worked side by side for five years before I realized: I love this man. Married for fifteen years, it has become our ritual to start and end our days together. To make the time for coffee and quiet before sunrise. Time on the porch, birdwatching or roof top sunsets to share the ins and outs at the end of a day. Working together eventuarlly became more than side by side. Every design I drew, he reviewed from an engineering perspective. Every bid he numbered together, I reviewed and edited. Infinite hours of crossing back and forth within each person's mental space. Hours together and working on joint projects between coffee in the morning and evening endings. What do you share at the end of the day when you've seen and worked together in all the time in between? Work becomes the beginning and end. A strain. Time to relax, restore and renew became challenging together. 

"Fearless Heart"
Abhaya Hrdaya Mudra
"Benefits: Nourishes the heart and lungs, improves digestion, imparts a powerful sense of vitality and calm, can help reduce nightmares and reestablish basic sanity to a troubled mind. Use of this mudra is especially helpful during times of exhaustion, healing from debilitating illness, or regaining strength after surgery. Energetically, it allows heat to descend from the head through the chest down into the belly, thus regulating the healthy function of all the internal organs." Cain Carrol and Revital Carroll, Mudras of IndiaImage, courtesty of the internet.

In 2012, I began to feel a pull in another direction that was still unclear. I remember tearfully sharing over coffee under the stars, something is pulling me in a direction I cannot ignore and I fear it may be pulling me away from you.

I now realize that pull has brought us together. Closer than I imagined. Created space between us that nurtures our marriage. Fuels the heart. Rekindles the soul. A reminder that the imagination cannot foresee everything. That life is full of surprises. To trust the heart and keep putting one foot in front of the other as we continue along our own unique and heartfelt paths.

What does it mean to be fearless and follow the heart? Listen to what my heart has to say, trust that this heart is connected to a much larger source and understand that I am not the sole orchestrator in building this life. I can choose to listen and adventure forward into the unknown. Or, I can chose to stay and also understand that even if I think I know, the future is still unknown. The mystery remains. I choose courage. I choose fearlessness in the heart. I choose to recognize I am part of a much larger design and I am not the only architect on site. 

Watercolor by Tehroma Lask, Titled: A New Day 2013

"Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences, good or bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ordinary courage." Brene Brown