A Blanket for Blue

The Root, the Rock and a Blue Heart in the Sky

You know when you bring home a dog, there is a good chance you will outlive this loved one. And you dive in anyway. Because love and connection are the reason we are here. 

Paloma, our daughter, chose Blue out of the largest litter I remember. Seventeen pups. And by the looks of them, from three different pops. She was born on a job site, forty five minutes south of our home town. A project we were blessed to take part in, a Boutique Inn that graciously carried us through the beginning and part of a recession. 

Baby Blue in our daughter's three year old arms. My goddaughter is holding Blue's sidekick for life.
Dear old Molly has been gone for several years.

Blue was Paloma's childhood campanion, diagnosed with bone cancer at the same time Paloma was graduating from elementry school. Preparing for the next phase of her life, her canine companion was completing the fullness and purpose of her own. Blue was her dog from before she stepped foot into kinder until the day she stepped foot into junior high. Nine years of uplifting spirit in a clumsy yet strong body.

Blue and Paloma...paw in hand.

Blue's body is tired. Her spirit untouchable. Her breathing has been labored. Jaw tight and body unable to fully rest. Medication and a gracious vet have helped buy a little more time. Time to prepare our goodbyes. Get the family together. And set her body free. I listen to her breathe the way I did with Paloma when she would awake at night coughing. Sleepless nights from challenges to breathe. As a child with friends who had asthma, I never thought it was a big deal. Awake and making sure the breath kept flowing for my daughter gave me a whole new perspective on asthma and breathing itself.

As her doctors forsaw, our daughter has mostly outgrown asthma with age. She runs, she breathes. Making it easier for me to breathe. She is tall, beautiful and strong, with abounding joy, deep introspection and shoulders she keeps comparing in height to my own. Paloma has the inspiring heart, mind, soul and fluid hands of a musician. When she plays her piano, I can feel my heart grow.

Deep Dark Blue Heart

Today is the day we lay Blue down to rest. Throughout the night, I tossed and turned, thinking: which blanket to give to Blue. Which blanket to wrap her in, bless her with. Thank her for every day. Her underbite smile. Paw in hand because Dylan taught her to shake, she was great at holding hands. The walks, her run and our hike in the desert. Her bolt to meet us at the door, even hobbling on three legs. Her nature and time with her in nature. I remembered a red and yellow blanket we brought home from Oaxaca when Paloma was three. A blanket with us for as long as Blue has welcomed us home.

The root and the rock is one of many meaningful places along a trail I love. A hike shared countless mornings and occasional afternoon with our dogs. My favorite memory, in that spot, has no photo, selfie, but a very dear place in my heart. New Years Day or shortly there after, just three dogs and me. I sat down to view the sea. Reflecting back on a year complete. Taking inventory. Breathing. Seeing. Feeling. Deciding which learning to take with me into the new year. After a quiet while, I looked to the left. Blue and her two sweet companions, buddies for  life, the three of them were sitting in a line. By my side. Looking at the sea. As if to be, just like me. Remembering, reflecting, deciding. A moment of absolute happiness. I felt so blessed. To sit next to these three. The rock and root are still there. And a place for Blue's heart, up high in the Sky.

Rocked then Rooted

In a family home,  earth of many homes, that special home within the individual heart - we all grieve differently. Some before a loss, some during, some after. Some another way or time. Some between meetings, before cooking dinner or under the night sky. Some for years or a lifetime to come. There is no right or wrong way. Grieving like loving has its own language, unique to the individual and threshold crossed through personal experience.

Grieving a loved one. A time in our lives. We gently and slowly let go of times past. Carry forward love, connection, opening, understanding and learnings. Although the body tires. The spirit ever endures.

Paloma says, it's time to let Blue go. Dylan plays with her ears. Takes her for a final hobble outside the gate. A few silly selfies of big kids and a dog with an underbite smile. We offer her our last words, touches and time. We feel our hearts break. We know the right thing is to let her go. We say goodbye. Loving and grieving. Grieving and loving. Opening and letting go. Letting go and opening to the unknowns. The road ahead. 

A body at rest. A soul at peace. A spirit set free. 

Tehroma

All artwork included here are original watercolors by Tehroma Lask

Lavender Loyalty

The water is always water. Sky is always the sky. Earth the earth.
Wherever we stand, these elements always are. No matter their color,
temperature,  season, or the place we stand when viewing or
participating in the elements. They always are.

Viewing eighteen years and change back inspires a look at loyalty. A
noticing who has been here. Who has gone. With whom I have stayed and
from whom I have strayed.

Loyalty can be unspoken, unwritten, unplanned. Real loyalty
that is. Sometimes loyalty is pledged and falls apart. Maybe too much
of the mind and not enough of the heart. Sometimes loyalty happens of
its own accord;  without a plan, vision or a promise. Loyalty to the
heart and following its lead. Noticing where hearts align and where
they do not. Acceptance of both. Gratitude for those who are still
here. Mourning those who are not. Deep appreciation for those who
continue to show up. Day after day. Week after week. Months turn into
years.

Loyalty begets loyalty. There is freedom in friendship. Some say it is the
purest form of love; the freedom and choice to be in a
shared relationship that does not come with responsibility that
others do. I don't confirm or deny the latter because I don't know if
that's true. I find that friendship does come with responsibility;
considering the other's heart, mind, soul, life, needs, wants,
time, dreams. Friendship is as important to life as the core relationships in
family. There is strength in friendship; support, nourishment, fun and
freedom. And there is a level of commitment. Chosen, like all the
rest.

I don't know how long any friendship will last. I
appreciate it for what it is. Yes, I have big hopes and dreams.
Friends forever! And then I remember, everything changes. But that
doesn't mean it always changes people apart. Sometimes it changes
people closer together. Friendships unimagined. Blessed connections
fuel the heart. And then I remember something else:
Forever...or...until not!

I wonder if loyalty can be viewed looking forward or only looking
back. Or maybe even simpler: Loyalty to this moment. That may be
constant. Loyalty to the ever changing present moment and being right
here, right now. Loyalty is presence.

Loyal partnership with nature. I can count on this: 

Water is always water. Sky the sky. And earth the earth. 

Tehroma

September 2016

Reflections written around the time of our son's graduation.

Twenty Years...Two of My Heroes

I believe Dylan is the Angel who brought me back to Baja, when at the age of twenty one, I had decided: construction was not for me and went to San Miguel de Allende to study Art. We lived there twice when I was a child; it was a dream of mine to return, follow in my father’s footsteps and enroll in La Bellas Artes. The day before my departure, I found out I was pregnant with Dylan. I still went to San Miguel de Allende, dragged my morning sick nauseas body out of bed and up the stairs of Las Bellas Artes every week day. One month of living there, studying art. I knew I would return to Baja and raise Dylan here.

The name Dylan is Welsh and means: born near the Sea
Angel, his middle name, is for a dear friend of my mother's, who lived in San Miguel de Allende.

When my son turned seventeen, I felt like a truck of bricks was dropped on me. The reality of our time together, under the same roof, in the context of mother and child-no longer a child, made me reflect on his life, here at home. I remembered, with regret, in the pit of my stomach, the mistakes I had made as a young mother; the times he said, let’s go to the beach! And I didn’t make the time or effort because I was working or tired. Still, there’s always time for a few minutes at the beach; we live here. I wondered how I could be so blind; not take advantage of times he wanted with me; remembered his early teen years. A time he didn’t want to be with me. All the questions came roaring in. What had I taught him; was it enough; had I/we prepared him for graduating and life after; the doubts and questions ran on. Then I stopped and thought: what if I look at him, see him for who he is today. And when I did, I saw a kind, talented, intelligent, present young man. I realized, it wasn’t all about me, but about him; who he is now and who he will become. He will have his own experiences in life; his own way of learning what he needs for his path and his lifestyle or styles of choice. I realized that to criticize my parenting skills harshly felt like criticizing my son. He doesn’t deserve that; he deserves recognition, support and encouragement to help him continue taking one step after the other, walking through threshold after threshold. Trust, as he continues on in life, he will have time to aquire the wisdom, skills and preparation he needs for his journey, minute to minute, day by day. 

After Tropical Storm Lidia, Arroyo Buenos Aires transformed.

In a few months, he will turn twenty after studying Graphic Design in Cabo for the last year. We have been to San Miguel de Allende twice as a family. Dylan talks about going back. I hope he does; I can see in his eyes, he feels a connection to that remarkable colonial city and family tradition. 

Dylan's High School Graduation, 2016...Los Barriles, Baja California Sur 

Javier joined our company, that same year and the month I was in San Miguel de Allende. I remember the phone booth and corner I was standing on, May 25th, when my mom shared the good news. Javier arrived, offering relief and new life to a work place heavy with the energy of our previous partner, gone one year later. For the first five years Javier and I worked side by side, the only light of truth I understood was: every time I opened the door to our office and saw his face, his smile, I felt seen and knew everything was going to be okay.

Dylan and his sister, Paloma...Oaxaca 2009
A year after our daughter was born, Javier adopted Dylan and gave him his last name.
Once, my mom asked Dylan if he missed his dad and he answered: no, I see him every day.

I followed my heart to Baja over twenty years ago, and then followed my heart to Ireland last year. So far, my heart has not led me astray; I continue to trust its lead. Day one of the Celtic Spiritually Retreat, when I heard these words, I knew I was, at home there, as I am home here; I had found a language to relate to, one that explained a big part of how I operate but hadn’t been able to put into words: minute to minute; lived spirituality (as opposed to a certain time or place); delight in the chaos, the unplanned, the mystery. 

I make plans, draw plans, create schedules, and follow schedules. I also change plans, schedules and deviate when another inspiration, that is better, presents itself. Everything changes: no school today... but it wasn’t on the schedule! Plans are outlines, ideas; they put thoughts into a place to help guide us along. Plans create structure. But life, the day to day, month after month and years passing; if we look up from our plans and our schedules – sometimes chosen and often not – there is an opportunity to see wider and deeper than the western linear line of time. Celtic Tradition offers the concept of circular time. The Mexican Culture also offers a beautiful mindset: Poco a Poco. 

Vacation comes to an end.
Time to return to lands end for a new quarter.

Healing Winds, the center, was born and named in 2013. Javier has been here for every minute of every day, from its first lines on paper as a yoga studio in 2009, to the refreshing coat of paint today. He is a rock of unwavering support. From that moment, the two us sat in our tin panga, looking back at the shoreline, eating our sandwiches and I said, I want to build a yoga studio and he said, OK; he has not doubted this vision once; not even the countless times when I didn’t understand why I felt so strongly about its creation and existence.

Healing Winds during construction...Javier crafted the long pencil I used to fine tune the outline of the overhang.
He also indulged me by taking this picture.

When I look back on the past twenty years and take a breath, right here, right now, where my feet rest on Baja ground, I know in my heart, body, mind and soul – I couldn’t have planned for my life to turn out the way it is right now. I have trusted my heart and gut, for as long as I can remember. I am grateful for every experience and wisdom gained through living life the way I do. Ultimately, for me, the greatest teacher of all is Life itself. Personal experience is something no one can give to you or take away. An experience lasts for as long as it does; then it changes, like everything does. My experience and learning; what I choose to take with me, minute to minute, day by day; or leave behind - those decisions reside within me; the responsibility and accountability; also live within. I choose not give authority to another for my happiness or unhappiness. I struggle and feel challenged by work and family, just like everyone does. I am human. I am alive. I have choices. One of the biggest choices I have made is to live with gratitude. I believe that faith leads to grace and gratitude leads to blessing. I feel blessed beyond my wildest imagination; I get to live a life I love.

Javier is present, wise, unwavering, doesn’t explain much or need much explained to him; he respects each life as individual. He works hard, provides, loves and to me is a picture of presence and love. The listening skills and patience of this man are unparalled. He checks in regularly on his mom. And my mom. Makes me coffee every morning. Goes to the office, job sites, up, down and all around. Hikes for hours in the desert and works his heart out creating a place of quiet for us, an empty nest for years to come, on a piece of land that has been in his family for generations. 

Twenty years, working side by side with Javier; almost twenty years since Dylan was born. 

Dylan came into the world, true to himself; Javier embodies that same kind of wisdom.

Javier and Dylan in Cabo 2016...just getting settled after moving into his first apartment.

I have been blessed to know great men in my life. 

These two are my heroes. 

Minute to minute. 

Day by day.

Tehroma

Healing Winds Alive...Every One is a Loved One

On a personal level, it is my faith in peace, healing and wellbeing that propel this vision forward in a continuing journey of creation, invitation, learning, sharing, practice and participation. The mysterious entity of Healing Winds continues to ignite my curiosity, representing in part, a manifestation of faith in the unknown; a reminder of being present with the unfolding minute to minute, day by day. For me, its vision and creation has been about listening to the heart and trusting its lead. 

On a collective level, it is participation through shared practice, treatment and offerings; shared faith in peace, healing and wellbeing – heart, body, mind and soul - that supports the growing and ongoing existence of this shared and sacred space; a learning community, near and far.

Healing Winds Holistic Center, Los Barriles, Baja California Sur, Mexico

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.” 

Witnessing the demise of a loved one, is, in my experience one of the most painful experiences possible. Watching another person suffer and not be able to do anything, is excruciating; heart breaking and gut wrenching.  In my case, personal pain witnessed in a loved one, from a place of helplessness, equaled personal pain absorbed and carried, until I began to realize I could learn from the experience and transform its learnings into a purposeful life lived and shared.

I came to yoga after looking into hypnotherapy. I wanted to get rid of certain parts of myself; habits, feelings, thoughts, ways of being. I wanted someone else to go inside my brain and change what I felt was impossible to do myself. Years later, I am grateful that hypnotherapy did not happen. I am grateful that the only person working to learn from what is inside my brain is me, experiencing a journey of discovery that continues to lead me down paths and adventures unimagined, near and far, inside and out; all of which contribute to a purpose I continue to integrate into the day to day life I feel privileged to live.

Family photo taken in Southern California 1978

From left to right: Tehroma, Sally & Mordecai

Learning from personal experience has taught me that although I could not do anything 
to ease the pain and suffering in my father’s life 

- and perhaps it was not my place to do so -  

through the creation of a healing center and a variety of offerings in this space, 

it is possible to cultivate peace, healing and wellbeing in myself and offer the same to others, through a variety of classes, practices and therapeutic treatments. 

I believe in the ripple effect; 

the power to heal within and without through personal and shared practice. 

I believe in the soul of the world, heart intelligence and universal consciousness. 

Ultimately, we are all connected.

I believe practice is about presence, deepening awareness, noticing what is happening on the inside and the outside on multiple levels: breath, heart, body, mind and soul, and making choices. Practice offers the opportunity to be with our individual and collective human experience, as we breathe side by side. Instead of pointing fingers, blaming, praising or giving authority to another – for our happiness or unhappiness -  we learn from experience; balance between participation and witnessing life unfold, as well as, often, both at the same time.

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”(unknown)

Minute to minute, day by day, we have the opportunity to expand and deepen that which serves our life and others, as well as the planet, the ground we walk on, the air we breathe, this beautiful place we call Home. Through practice, we learn to leave behind that which no longer serves. We have the opportunity to show up and speak up when it feels right. We also have the power to slow down and listen; really notice what is really happening, in this moment, on this day, in this particular place where our feet touch the ground.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou

Whatever practice may resonate on a personal level, practice isn’t about being perfect or ultraspiritual; practice is not separate from life itself as practice supports the life we live. It is about embracing our sameness, as well as, our uniqueness; accepting ourselves and each other as we are; remembering that everything changes whether we choose change or not, and at the same time, we have choices, we can change if needed or desired. This is about connecting in our shared humanity and remembering: there is no hierarchy. We are all lovable, we all have stories – yet I believe that our stories do not define us – whatever we have experienced, whether it be joy or sadness, happiness or grief, our stories are equally interesting or not, because regardless of the details of our stories, where we connect is in our shared humanity. What you feel, I feel, even if our backgrounds, lifestyles, as well as, the details of our stories, may differ.

“A New Day” by Tehroma Lask

There is no separation; there is no “us and them”. 
Every day, we have the opportunity to build on that which is good within ourselves, 
as well as the good we see in others. 
By seeing the parts in you that are also a part of me 
– and vice versa - 
and integrating, assimilating and learning, 
we are capable of truly being here today 
and walking side by side tomorrow. 
Ultimately, we are all in this together.

There is no separation.

Every One is a Loved One.

Tehroma