A Blanket for Blue

The Root, the Rock and a Blue Heart in the Sky

You know when you bring home a dog, there is a good chance you will outlive this loved one. And you dive in anyway. Because love and connection are the reason we are here. 

Paloma, our daughter, chose Blue out of the largest litter I remember. Seventeen pups. And by the looks of them, from three different pops. She was born on a job site, forty five minutes south of our home town. A project we were blessed to take part in, a Boutique Inn that graciously carried us through the beginning and part of a recession. 

Baby Blue in our daughter's three year old arms. My goddaughter is holding Blue's sidekick for life.
Dear old Molly has been gone for several years.

Blue was Paloma's childhood campanion, diagnosed with bone cancer at the same time Paloma was graduating from elementry school. Preparing for the next phase of her life, her canine companion was completing the fullness and purpose of her own. Blue was her dog from before she stepped foot into kinder until the day she stepped foot into junior high. Nine years of uplifting spirit in a clumsy yet strong body.

Blue and Paloma...paw in hand.

Blue's body is tired. Her spirit untouchable. Her breathing has been labored. Jaw tight and body unable to fully rest. Medication and a gracious vet have helped buy a little more time. Time to prepare our goodbyes. Get the family together. And set her body free. I listen to her breathe the way I did with Paloma when she would awake at night coughing. Sleepless nights from challenges to breathe. As a child with friends who had asthma, I never thought it was a big deal. Awake and making sure the breath kept flowing for my daughter gave me a whole new perspective on asthma and breathing itself.

As her doctors forsaw, our daughter has mostly outgrown asthma with age. She runs, she breathes. Making it easier for me to breathe. She is tall, beautiful and strong, with abounding joy, deep introspection and shoulders she keeps comparing in height to my own. Paloma has the inspiring heart, mind, soul and fluid hands of a musician. When she plays her piano, I can feel my heart grow.

Deep Dark Blue Heart

Today is the day we lay Blue down to rest. Throughout the night, I tossed and turned, thinking: which blanket to give to Blue. Which blanket to wrap her in, bless her with. Thank her for every day. Her underbite smile. Paw in hand because Dylan taught her to shake, she was great at holding hands. The walks, her run and our hike in the desert. Her bolt to meet us at the door, even hobbling on three legs. Her nature and time with her in nature. I remembered a red and yellow blanket we brought home from Oaxaca when Paloma was three. A blanket with us for as long as Blue has welcomed us home.

The root and the rock is one of many meaningful places along a trail I love. A hike shared countless mornings and occasional afternoon with our dogs. My favorite memory, in that spot, has no photo, selfie, but a very dear place in my heart. New Years Day or shortly there after, just three dogs and me. I sat down to view the sea. Reflecting back on a year complete. Taking inventory. Breathing. Seeing. Feeling. Deciding which learning to take with me into the new year. After a quiet while, I looked to the left. Blue and her two sweet companions, buddies for  life, the three of them were sitting in a line. By my side. Looking at the sea. As if to be, just like me. Remembering, reflecting, deciding. A moment of absolute happiness. I felt so blessed. To sit next to these three. The rock and root are still there. And a place for Blue's heart, up high in the Sky.

Rocked then Rooted

In a family home,  earth of many homes, that special home within the individual heart - we all grieve differently. Some before a loss, some during, some after. Some another way or time. Some between meetings, before cooking dinner or under the night sky. Some for years or a lifetime to come. There is no right or wrong way. Grieving like loving has its own language, unique to the individual and threshold crossed through personal experience.

Grieving a loved one. A time in our lives. We gently and slowly let go of times past. Carry forward love, connection, opening, understanding and learnings. Although the body tires. The spirit ever endures.

Paloma says, it's time to let Blue go. Dylan plays with her ears. Takes her for a final hobble outside the gate. A few silly selfies of big kids and a dog with an underbite smile. We offer her our last words, touches and time. We feel our hearts break. We know the right thing is to let her go. We say goodbye. Loving and grieving. Grieving and loving. Opening and letting go. Letting go and opening to the unknowns. The road ahead. 

A body at rest. A soul at peace. A spirit set free. 

Tehroma

All artwork included here are original watercolors by Tehroma Lask