Fearless Heart

Courage. From the heart. Sky above. For the heart. Earth below. 

Through the heart. Water beyond. Always. In the heart. 

Watercolor by Tehroma, Title: Courage 2015

What does it mean to follow the heart? 

How do you hone your ability to listen to the heart?

Where does the courage come from to heed its call? 

"We say to ourselves that we need more than ordinary courage, but really there is no ordinary courage. Either we are courageous or we are not. But the key is in the word courage itself. The word courage arises from the old French cuer, meaning heart. To be courageous means at bottom to be heartfelt. To begin with we take only those steps which we can do in a heartfelt fashion and then slowly increase our stride as we become familiar with the direct connection between our passion and our courage. Without some kind of fire at the center of the conversation, a sense of journey through work, life becomes just another strategic game plan, a way of pulling wool over the eyes of reality while we get our own way." David Whyte, Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgramage of Identity

At a recent gathering, a friend of mine - more than once a client over the course of eighteen years - asked, how does it feel? After twenty five years, the entirety of my adult life dedicated to wearing many hats in building, I openly shared the clear change in direction my life is taking: Yoga and Well-being full time. Building is a skill. Designing requires imagination. The ability to see with the minds eye what is imagined to someday live and breathe in front of and outside of the personal and professional mind's space. 

How does it feel to move away from designing and building homes after fifteen years invested in wearing the hat of architect and designer? How does it feel to let go of an identity that thrived, was recognized and invest my life in a more recent unfolding vision? How do I see outside of myself the imaginings that live within this mind? 

Architecture is big. Literally. Buildings take up space. Before they are built, they are virtually lived in by the architect. These imaginings take up mind space. As their design develops and changes, there are many conversations, external and internal. The person who listens to those who wish to live their dreams and evey days within a shelter they will call home, listens. Listening to a feeling wished to be created. Practicalities. Where will the coffee maker go? Where will I start my day, sleep after dark, enjoy a cup of tea, share time with loved ones, put my feet up after a long day, sit in front of a computer, do my laundry, cook meals, blend smoothies, look out windows and what will I see in front of me? 

To imagine buildings that take up space felt big inside of me. After the imaginings, I saw the happenings. I could walk through and feel these spaces. Something big inside was now outside. There was a sense of release and relief moving from virtual to reality. Creating more mind space.  Now, I am not imagining these buildings. Architecture made me feel extraordinary. Working with clients and engineers, masons and subs. Orchestrating came from the core. A strong will. Leading came from the heart. I felt empowered. And powerful. 

Image, courtesy of the internet and an artist I would love to recognize.

All the reasons to let go and move on were heartfelt. Logic would have entailed staying with a solid carreer. The first reason, a call to create a holistic center and work within its spaces. Secondly, a wish to experience a new relationship with my husband. We met while working together over twenty two years ago. Worked side by side for five years before I realized: I love this man. Married for fifteen years, it has become our ritual to start and end our days together. To make the time for coffee and quiet before sunrise. Time on the porch, birdwatching or roof top sunsets to share the ins and outs at the end of a day. Working together eventuarlly became more than side by side. Every design I drew, he reviewed from an engineering perspective. Every bid he numbered together, I reviewed and edited. Infinite hours of crossing back and forth within each person's mental space. Hours together and working on joint projects between coffee in the morning and evening endings. What do you share at the end of the day when you've seen and worked together in all the time in between? Work becomes the beginning and end. A strain. Time to relax, restore and renew became challenging together. 

"Fearless Heart"
Abhaya Hrdaya Mudra
"Benefits: Nourishes the heart and lungs, improves digestion, imparts a powerful sense of vitality and calm, can help reduce nightmares and reestablish basic sanity to a troubled mind. Use of this mudra is especially helpful during times of exhaustion, healing from debilitating illness, or regaining strength after surgery. Energetically, it allows heat to descend from the head through the chest down into the belly, thus regulating the healthy function of all the internal organs." Cain Carrol and Revital Carroll, Mudras of IndiaImage, courtesty of the internet.

In 2012, I began to feel a pull in another direction that was still unclear. I remember tearfully sharing over coffee under the stars, something is pulling me in a direction I cannot ignore and I fear it may be pulling me away from you.

I now realize that pull has brought us together. Closer than I imagined. Created space between us that nurtures our marriage. Fuels the heart. Rekindles the soul. A reminder that the imagination cannot foresee everything. That life is full of surprises. To trust the heart and keep putting one foot in front of the other as we continue along our own unique and heartfelt paths.

What does it mean to be fearless and follow the heart? Listen to what my heart has to say, trust that this heart is connected to a much larger source and understand that I am not the sole orchestrator in building this life. I can choose to listen and adventure forward into the unknown. Or, I can chose to stay and also understand that even if I think I know, the future is still unknown. The mystery remains. I choose courage. I choose fearlessness in the heart. I choose to recognize I am part of a much larger design and I am not the only architect on site. 

Watercolor by Tehroma Lask, Titled: A New Day 2013

"Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences, good or bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ordinary courage." Brene Brown