Perpetual Creative Fire

Fire is always moving and changing. Fire is a threshold element offering heat to burn off old patterns that hold us back creating space for new beginnings, ways of thinking, wording, actions, habits and values  to serve and support our daily unfolding and interconnected lives. We move through thresholds every day, in between and into the darkness of every night. Sunrise is a reminder of movement, thresholds, opportunities. We can always begin again. 

Some thresholds are thicker than others. The threshold in my work life, a transition from architecture to wellness was built within eight intensely walked years, one foot as I designed and built spaces and the other foot in wellness. Along this path, I learned new ways of creating space. In the words of Frank Lloyd Wright, "Space is the breath of art." Daily living included moving between the poles and integrating their sameness within and without. Mentally and emotionally, recognizing the similarities  of creating space to live our lives, whether within a dwelling - indoor or out of doors - or this physical container that has faithfully moved with me around the world and provided a home for my beating heart and eyes to take it all in.

As our community continues to grow, I find it imperative to remember that we live in a developing country and growing community. While I cannot control what is happening around me, I can notice how those changes affect me and inquire within. I can change my own thinking, wording, habits. When I was pregnant with Paloma and on bed rest for the final two months of her gestation - and she was still a month premature! - several homes were being built in our neighborhood. The beeping of unloading dumptrucks and sound of vehicles driving by our corner lot started in the morning and continued through the day. Add medication causing tachycardia and my heartbeating like a hummingbird flapping its tiny wings. Learning to remain calm in the middle of all I could not control, a restless baby ready to move into the world too soon for her own wellbeing, plus the construction around me. I realized I had a choice, let the stress of it all possibly cause premature birth or learn to breathe and accept all that was, knowing it would pass, as all things do. That time also was a balance of precious calm looking out my window, admiring flowers, rain falling from the sky, the comings and goings of Dylan and Javier. That experience was my introduction to being still and letting go. A crash course in the art of being, meditating, all several years before I stepped foot in a yoga class or listened to a Dharma talk. Life is the greatest teacher.

I believe each one of us is an artist of our days. Creators in our own ways. I believe that the continuation of learning equals improved health of mind, body and spirit and everything learned informs another realm within the individual heart, body, mind and soul. Integration is a path to wholeness, sending our attention and love into every knook and cranny of our own being.

Like others, I mastered the art of burning the candle at both ends. An intense longing to create, maintain employment for myself and team, earn, learn and grow have often driven me over the edge,  resulting in adrenal fatigue, frustration and extreme exhaustion. I learned that patience, deep rest, healing arts and familial support were imperative to recovering my health and restoring my energy. In repeatedly overcommitting and recovering, I realized this way of being wasn't sustainable. I was burning the candle at both ends, which ultimately results in the fire burning out.

A few years after that bed rest time with Paloma growing in my belly, I found a practice that slowly offered me an opportunity to focus within. Tools to slow down my breathing. Calm my mind and listen to my hearth. Strengthen my body. Create space for health and sustainable wellbeing. Before my thirty seventh birthday, Javier asked me what I wanted as a gift. I replied: I want the time and space to care for own health and wellbeing. I was always last on my own list. Constantly recovering from exhaustion in the midst of gratitude and amazment that I could experience a beautiful family, home, creative work and see these buildings manifested side by side, not only an amazing team, but wonderful clients who over the years, became our friends.

On April 14th of 2012, I made a promise, one that transformed a way of experiencing life on every level. In the beginning, those changes where internal. Over time, that promise manifested externally, part of a driving force, changing careers in the middle of my life. In the words of Paolo Coelho, "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." My greatest longings in this world, whether it has been to create a home and family, a career, or other, I feel the universe has conspired. Part of that conspiring has been a series of obstacles - occurances unimagined - obstacles that ranged from unconfortable, humbling to deeply painful or costly. An openness to experience, feel and focus within has led to the strength within my own being to transmute discomfort or pain into learning, understanding, empathy, compassion and wisdom that offers connection with self and others. Deep healing. That universal conspiring has also brought rewards, gifts and divine blessings, also unimagined. For all of them, I am grateful because I am here and who I am because of everywhere I have been, within and without.

Coffee with a before dawn fire. In all my years living here, this is a first. Grateful for the warmth of hearth. This home, family, to live in this special place on earth. To do the work I get to. Enjoy the friendships with kindred souls. My husband. To remember the temporary nature of life that is. We are all just passing through. Sometimes I wonder if there is a part of me that would stop time if I could. The growing teenager and grown young man in this dwelling remind me daily with their presence: time does not stand still. Enjoy and appreciate every moment. Because this precious moment is exactly what we have.

Pause, be still

focus within

and listen.

An impulse

a quickening

your hearts desire

a need to

see an imagining

a longing 

to experience

your creative fire.

Revolved Half Moon Pose Parivrtta Ardha Chandrasana. 

Rotations of the spine, pausing and stillness offer time for digestion of food, thoughts, emotions, experience and creative ideas. Moving in, the belly is compressed, breathing is available expanding the ribcage. Moving out, the abdominal organs are bathed with fresh nutrient and oxygen carrying blood to all the lifelong companions that are the digestive organs. Revolved half moon pose shown here also improves balance and focus, strengthens and lengthens the muscles, opens the chest creating space for heart and lungs, can help alignment of the spine, result in calming the nervous system and mind.

Within the human body and in the practice of yoga, the inner fire is located above the navel and below the sternum: the solar plexus. Just above the center of creativity and fluidity and below infinite qualities of the heart. Imaginings of the mind, cultivated thoughts and feelings that have time to clarify and focus by drawing the attention inward require will, confidence, discipline, self esteem and creative fire to carry through to fruition. In the words of John O'Donohue, "All human creativity issues from the urgency of longing." 

What do you long to create in your life at this time? This question is a lifelong companion just as creativity is a lifelong expression in a multitude of manifestations. One creative experience and endevour informs another, no experience or expression stands alone. What will I you next? Keep putting the pieces together and continually step back to see the whole and evolving picture, this in itself is an exciting and insightful creative project. 

"Love is the creative fire, the inspiration that keeps the torch of progress aflame." Wilferd Peterson