I've learned alot about forgiveness of others through the practice of forgiving myself. I've learned alot about forgiveness of self through an intimate relationship with nature.
During my thirties I became very active practicing yoga, hiking local trails and kiteboarding during the windy months in Los Barriles. In spite of my discipline, life would often interrupt. Sometimes I would miss a class or a hike or time on the water. Windy days would pull me to the sea and were hard to ignore or pass up. Working full time and raising a family meant the wind could not dictate my life. Nor could the trails. Or a class. When I missed time with others, I felt like I had fallen short. With my time spread thin in those days, I often felt like I wasn't enough, like I could never do enough. I often felt like I was struggling to keep up. I wanted to be enough, to feel like I was enough. Just as I was.
I realized one day when I returned to the beach after some time away, as I felt the wind in my face and got back on the water: I was received completely. As I was. The same happened in the desert. When I returned to the trails and felt one foot in front of the other while marveling at boulders, desert trees and flowers after rains: I was received. Completely. No questions asked. No reproach. I felt forgiven for my absences, shortcomings, mistakes. No judgement. Welcome to be present whenever and however I could. I felt the space to learn and grow and be. I felt like I was enough. Just as I was. And know I am enough. Human. Constantly learning with a heartfull wish to remain open to the magic, surprises and humbling experience of this human incarnation.
The meditation below is inspired by my personal experience and practice and requires about 20 minutes, maybe a little longer. You are welcome to simply read the meditation and let the words percolate into the heart and mind. Later allowing the meditation and practice to surface in your own words. Feel free to make this practice your own, allow it to evolve and morph into whatever shape or form feels most supportive to you in your personal practice. As you read along, please consider everything offered here to be in the spirit of invitation. Whatever resonates with personally: take it with you. Whatever does not resonate with you personally: feel free to let it go.
The spirit of embodiment; a practice in cultivating a forgiving heart; a forgiving nature.
Whenever you are ready, feel free to find a comfortable position, you might choose to sit, stand or lay down. Honoring whatever position feels right for you body today, balancing effort and ease, tranquility and alertness. Allow your eyelids to be relaxed, slightly open or closed. Grounding the body, feeling – inspired by the words of John O’Donohue – the clay of the body connecting with the clay of the earth.
Taking a few slow, deep breaths, notice what is present for you right now. Simply noticing. Without judgement or trying to do anything. Being with the breath and whatever arises for you in the next few moments.
Deepening the connection between the physical body and physical earth, we are going to call on memory, an opening to the imagination, calling on a place that feels forgiving to you; a place you can return to over and over. A place that welcomes your presence, forgives your absence and does not judge you; a place that accepts you, receives you as you are. A resource. Maybe a place nature: a body of water, mountain, desert, forest, or a building. Maybe the place or room you are in right now.
A few more breaths. Taking your time.
1. With kindness and opening deeper to memory, recalling a person, group, situation or maybe even an institution you might wish to forgive, perhaps someone or something you feel connected to in a way that creates tightening, constriction, that might not allow you to be fully present when you think of them. A memory that hooks your attention making it challenging to be fully present. A being or beings you might wish to feel liberated from the bonds of difficult emotions.
Gently acknowledging whatever has arisen, creating space for this experience to be held with kindness.
Opening to the experience of the moment, being with whatever arises without judgement.
A few more breaths.
Gently letting go and returning to your resource, sensing the connection: grounding your body, feeling your connection with the earth.
2. Returning, opening, deepening and remembering: this being or others or thing you wish to forgive.
This time, noticing if there is a storyline. This might be a storyline that has played in loops in your mind. A reoccurring story that you are familiar with. Allowing the words to string themselves together. Witnessing the story as it unfolds within you.
And now, gently pressing pause on the storyline.
Inviting your awareness to scan your physical body, sensing. Allowing your attention to move to wherever you might feel sensation. Maybe the belly, chest, throat, the muscles around your face. Another place. Directing your breathing, lovingkindness and attention to this area or these areas of the body.
Noticing if there is an emotion, a cluster of emotions or feeling state you can name. What do you feel?
A few common emotions that may arise in conjunction with difficulty letting go and forgiveness of others: feeling wronged, betrayed, hurt, sadness, anger, grief.
Whatever you feel. Leaning in and honoring your experience and holding space for yourself with compassion and any amount of ease.
A few more breaths.
Then seeing if you can let go and gently return to your resource, your physical body and
a grounded place that embodies forgiveness for you.
3. Deepening and for our final visit, remembering the being or beings you wish to forgive, imagining them feeling everything you have felt; whatever feeling sate or emotion that has come up in you that makes it difficult to forgive, to let go.
Imagine standing on the same earth, breathing the same air and experiencing the same emotions – your storylines, backgrounds, beliefs, personalities, and much more may differ – gently leaning into the experience with compassion for yourself.
A few more breaths. Leaning into your experience with kindness. Taking your time. No rush, no force, being wherever you are today.
And now, if it feels possible, available and authentic, offering any amount of compassion to the other. This may be the most difficult part. In fact, this phase may be practiced on its own after some time working with steps 1 and 2.
Forgiveness does not mean you condone whatever has happened to you or between you nor does this mean you allow it to happen again. You might even take a stand to prevent this from happening to yourself or another.
Simply and profoundly, this practice invites you to you allow the story to be part of your history. Deepening your well of wisdom.
Through a willingness and openness to feel your own hurt, anger, feeling of betrayal, sadness or grief – or whatever is present for you right now -- you allow the light to shine through the cracks and open to your own heart.
Letting go, any amount and remaining open to life.
Feeling your vitality and willingness to be with your own humanity, the entirety of your experience, recognizing the continual flux and change moment to moment, day by day, remembering this part of your story does not define you.
This willingness to be with it all gives you range, depth and the ongoing ability to be with yourself, as well as, with others who may experience the same emotions or feeling states alive in you right now.
As we move towards closing our meditation session, a few full breaths, feeling the clay of the body connecting with the clay of the earth, traveling to this place of forgiveness within you, this place that does not judge you, accepts you for who you are, holds you with lovingkindness and utmost care. Embodying the spirit of forgiveness, cultivating a forgiving heart and a forgiving nature. May you be happy, free and present to the life within and around you. One breath at a time.
“Forgiving yourself allows you to let go of the person you thought you needed to be. Forgiving others allows you to accept what has happened and let go of needing to change it.”
Najwa Zebian
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