Acceptance

 

"And, now this..."

Our lives are constantly changing and adapting to the reality of the moment is an ongoing practice. Life continually asks us, Do you accept this moment as it is?

It is hard to adapt when we are wanting things to be different from how they are. Even harder when we resist our own relationship to the moment as it is. What does this mean?

In meditation we are always looking at the relationship, how we are relating to this moment to moment experience. 

Mindfulness offers us a list of attitudinal foundations that we can practice to bring more ease to our experience. While this doesn't mean it is easy, it can mean more ease, less suffering, more peace, less tension.

For example, my plate is very full right now. And, when I reflect on my life, it has always been this way. While there have been periods – very short ones! – of less on my plate, times to reset and then fill it up again, I have chosen to live my life with a very full plate. Family, a delightfully chaotic home full of pets, a dynamic work life, ongoing education – because the more I learn, the more I want to learn – the every day question of, What to make for dinner? Self-care. And so on.

I choose to live my life fully and this works for me. What has changed over the years is what I put on my plate. In earlier adult life, the plate had more of what others wanted from me. As I mature, my full plate – still full of the above -- is more about fulfilling my life purpose and self-care. As a friend wrote years ago, “Self-care is health-care.”

There was a time when I resisted my own way of being, of filling my plate, thinking I should be different, I should put less on my plate, I should be different than how I am. I recognize this was partly in response to comments from others, for example, “You are going in so many directions at once.”

A little over ten years ago, I wondered if unconditional love was truly possible. At first, my inquiry was in relationship to others. The entire year was dedicated to deepening self-care and through that year I learned about being unconditional with myself. Loving myself as I am. Accepting this body, mind, heart, and way of being in the world. That journey continues and part of self-love is an ongoing acceptance of all the parts that make me whole. This includes, moments like Friday morning, when I was in a funk and experiencing a mood that makes me want to get away from myself. The inquiry in Mindfulness Meditation arose, Can I be with this? Can I accept this moment as it is? Yes, I can. I don’t like it – I didn’t like what was brining up this mood either – but I can be with it because I trust that it will pass. And it did.

On a bigger scale, there are life changes, happenings to loved ones, happenings in the world that affect us and times when it may seem like there is nothing we can do. I often remember my father and his struggles with mental health. This is hard to write but necessary because it is part of my story and a big part of my motivation in fulfilling a life purpose to be of service through wellness and provide practices and treatments that ease suffering and inspire more peace.

When people ask about my father, I usually respond that he passed away when I was in my mid twenties. That is the easy answer because in reality, I don’t know what happened to him. I know that he struggled with mental illness, that he worked with a therapist for some time, then chose not to continue along that path. I know that he planned to take his own life because he was open and clear in his plans. And I suffered gravely for years because I knew of his plan and because I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do. And, although years of therapy, self-work and self-care have taught me that it wasn’t my responsibility to take care of him in my younger years, that doesn’t matter. I suffered because I wanted him to be different, to be healthy, to get well, to be present, to be available, to be alive. For me. How does the attitude of acceptance fit into this relationship? I accept how I have related to my relationship with my father, how that relationship and my sense of helplessness has affected me and I accept who he was – because part of his existence was brilliant and magical and everything he touched when he was well was beautiful – and I accept that although he technically disappeared without much of a trace, I can know him though knowing myself. I can feel less helpless by taking care of myself, being present for my family and through being of service through Yoga, Mindfulness Meditation, Thai Massage and Reiki. I can be of service through healing modalities and bringing any amount of ease – first through my own life – and to others to ease their journey.

Through acceptance of how I related and relate to the experience with my father, I have learned to accept him as he was and how being his daughter has shaped who I am in the world. I accept that mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health are top priority in my life and my life path in service to others. Whatever I could not do or give a loved one, I can accept that watching his demise caused me grave suffering. I can accept that I have transformed that suffering in my own being through compassion into service and understanding and nonjudging and accepting that we all have our own karma and lives to live and choices about how we accept what is. Big stuff, small stuff, and everything in between.

While life may not change for us, others may not change for us, we can let life change us by adapting, relating to life as it is, accepting how we are relating to the moment. Are we resisiting and creating more suffering? Are we accepting and creating more ease? Acceptance is not resignation, in fact, accepting that something is not working for us can be a catalyst for change and transformation in our own lives. Acceptance of the entirety of the moment can bring great power to our presence and participation with life and help us move with changes in an ever changing world.

This week in class, we started the Meditation of  Equanimity and Peace. This is part of a longer meditation that we will develop over the next few weeks. We began this week with “May I”, much like the Celtic tradition of blessings and beginning with blessing ourselves, filling our own well. This practice is borrowed from a beautiful book by one of my teachers, Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart.

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I calm my mind.

May be I balanced.

May I be at peace.

May I learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May I be open and balanced and peaceful.

 

And now this….it is time to celebrate the eighteenth birthday of our youngest child. It is a day to celebrate life and the fact that I am here to enjoy the blessings of this day. Full plate, full heart and a life being lived – as my mom likes to say, “Full tilt boogy!” This is my choice and it works wholeheartedly for me.

 

Thank you for reading and for being.

Namaste,

Tehroma

 

"Breathe and understand that you are alive.
Breathe and understand that everything is helping you.
Breathe and understand that you are the world.
Breathe in compassion and breathe out joy.
Breathe and be one with the air you breathe.
Breathe and be one with the flowing river.
Breathe and be one with the land you walk on,
Breathe and be the one with the fire that shines.
Breathe and discard the idea of birth and death.
Breathe and you will see that impermanence is life.
Breathe for your joy of being stable and serene.
Breathe so your pain flows.
Breathe to renew all the cells of the blood.
Breathe to renew the depths of consciousness.
Breathe and live in the here and now.
Breathe and everything you touch will be new and real."

- Thich Nhat Hanh