Trust

Trust begets trust. As we learn to trust our inner voices, as we feel safe and at ease, we can learn the trust the moment, our own hearts and each other.

When I was eighteen, I found myself at a crossroad. My dream for as long as I could remember was to study English Literature and I wanted to teach at college level. Ashland, Oregon was on my radar. Staying in the US had been my plan. And, I found myself head over heels for Baja. This place, like a magnet was pulling my heart home. Two dreams, two different paths. I could stay in the US, go to college, work, come down here on vacation and retire decades later, or choose the unknown path of what to study and do for work and ground my life in Baja. My heart said, Baja! My practical mind said, Go to college in the US!

I chose to listen my heart and learned at that young age that I could trust this inner compass to lead the way. Even through rocky territory that has scared the daylights out of me along the way, I know I can trust something deeper, an inner voice over all the voices around me to continue to guide this life as well as family and community visions I feel blessed to be at the heart of. Trust begets trust.

“You are the expert on yourself. In the end nobody knows you as well as you do, and nobody can make better decisions for you than yourself. We often believe that wisdom, authority and knowledge are outside ourselves. A mindfulness practice brings us back to the simple truth that we can trust ourselves and that trusting ourselves is mandatory if we ever want to live a meaningful life.” Christiane Wolf, MD PHD and J. Greg Serpa, PHD from their book, A Clinician’s Guide to Teaching Mindfulness

Around this time of year, in spring of 2012, as I approached my 37^th birthday, Javier asked what I wanted and I said, Time! Time for self-care, time to commit to my yoga and meditation practice. I was tired of being last on my own list. Somewhere along the way, that inner voice had been muffled and I needed to reconnect and let it resurface and take a bigger part in my life. As spring turned to summer and my daily practice deepened and temperatures began the rise, I found weekend siesta time to be deeply nourishing. I remember Javier saying one day he had dreamt that I was utterly exhausted. I was! That summer felt like catching up on rest years overdue. I was also learning that pausing and resting were powerful ways to cultivate intuition. So, when Javier would ask on a Saturday morning, Are you planning on taking a nap this afternoon? I would say, No. I’m going to cultivate my intuition. From then on, a siesta became “Cultivating my intuition".

Since then, when my inner voice feels muffled and I find myself overwhelmed by the voices of others, I’ve learned to step back and get quiet and keep this voice alive. During the closing ceremony of the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, when I lit the Dharma light with my Mentor and Peers and shared my vow in sharing these practices, I shared this vow, to keep the channel open between heart and mind, to continue to listen deeply and share the mindfulness practices from this grounded place.

This vow is built on a commitment to self-care I made a little over ten years ago and the learning from early adulthood. From a place of safety in home and family and community, from experience, I know I can trust this inner compass to lead the way. From this place of trust within, from a place of healthy personal and professional boundaries, I can trust those around me to listen within and create a beautiful life. And right now, this really comes home to my experience as a mother. I wholeheartedly trust my grown and growing kids, 25 and 18 years old to listen to their hearts and trust their inner guidance. As a teacher, I trust my students. From a place of safety and clarity, I can trust those around me to create their own paths and enjoy where our paths cross and trust the changes that naturally unfold as each path becomes clearer and each life unfolds.

Trust begets trust. When I was 18 and I felt torn and stood at that crossroad, my mom saw me struggling opened a door for me. She said, Work for me for a year and don’t think about the future. Just let yourself land where you want to be, here in Baja and then you will know what to do. That was one of the greatest gifts. An open door and trust.

I have learned that I am also a threshold person, one who opens doors for others and as I watch them pass through and live their own lives, and continue to follow their own paths, I do so with trust and a heartfelt knowing that many people pass through my life and what a blessing it is to meet so many souls along the way.

From this place of safety and feeling blessed and from class this week, deepening  the Meditation on Equanimity and Peace from one of my teachers, Jack Kornfield, remembering you can repeat these phrases in formal practice of adopt any or all of them as mantras to cultivate trust and safety in the midst of all of life’s ups, downs and in-betweens. 

"Breathing in I calm my body.

Breathing out I calm my mind.

May I be balanced.

May I be at peace.

 

May I learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May I be open and balanced and peaceful.

 

May you learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May you be open and balanced and peaceful.”

 

Begin by offering the phrases above to yourself, then begin to picture your loved ones and then gradually extending the meditation to include others: benefactors – those who have cared for you, inspired you – and then your friends, neighbors, neutral people, animals, all beings and the earth. Let this practice be grounding and nurturing, a way to bring you home to yourself when fear and uncertainty arise. Keep coming home to yourself and trust your heart to lead the way.

May you trust the wisdom of your inner voice, your heart and life unfolding.

May you feel safe, peaceful and at ease.

Namaste,

Tehroma

 

“Sitting is a marvelous power. As the hard borders, tensions, battles, needs, and longings of the ‘little self’ soften and fully drops away, it reveals this which is precious beyond words.” Jundo Cohen